I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
