"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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