Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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