i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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