So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
