part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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