I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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