I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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