That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
