Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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