hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
