sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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