I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
