um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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