I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
