There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
