His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
