i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
