failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
