Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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