I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
