I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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