Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How's work?
Spinning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
