In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
