Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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