Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
