I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
