You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
