The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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