I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
