y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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