it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
