I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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