So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have aggressive nipples.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
