ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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