God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
