They should really pass out barf bags in church
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
