yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His nipple licking is glorious
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