I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
