who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
