White coat. Heels.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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