my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
