I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
