I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
