you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
