he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
