if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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