Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
