Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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