Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
