she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
