i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
