I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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