just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
